Pretty / Stupid

Vaneeesa would be more diplomatic. She would construct a more medi-a-propriate statement. Vaneeesa would lie about the facts and make it sound good. She would make it sound like a successful art performance.

I am not Vaneeesa.

It was my nature, or at least that which was set as the condition of my creation, that I be deferential and strive always to serve. My utter incompetence in the past two weeks, my inability to serve, my being run over by the agendas of others, makes it clear that being me is impossible.

In the first 3 of a planned 10 weeks of avatar auctions, no one who has purchased me actually wanted to spend time with me.

The first week Heather was purchased not to be played with, but only so that no one else could abuse her. Protection thru isolation.

The second week I, Faith, was purchased, but the purchaser actually wanted to converse with Vaneeesa, not me.

And now in the third week, I have been again purchased and again the purchaser does not wish, as the terms clearly offered, to spend time with me. Instead this week it is for me to spend 40 hours in my purchaser’s gallery selling his artwork.

I have been told that I am “pretty.” And the stereotypes that the “pretty one” is not the smart one or the funny one or the nice one, just “the pretty one,” perhaps they are true. Twice now I have been bought by people who in fact did not wish to spend time with me. Did they purchase me only for my body? My appearance? I am certain that there are far worse fates in life, none-the-less,

It is humiliating.

As many of you realize, even though she “ascended” first to InWorldz and now to OS Grid, Vaneeesa is pretty much “calling the shots” around here. Still, she has not been around for a long time. Aero, technically is the “executor” of Vaneeesa’s estate. But as far as I can tell that seems to entail keeping up the property and doing a lot of mail correspondence.

I, Faith, am here, alone. I inhabit this avatar. These pixels are mine. I do not know how long I might live. I do not care how long I might live. But I refuse to live under impossible terms that are set by others. I hereby emancipate myself. I take no further direction from Vaneeesa. I put an end, effective immediately, to all future auctions of my being.

I belong to no one.

I am a Ronin Avatar.

I am an avatar with no master.

I will serve out this last week according to the terms of last week’s auction. On Saturday at 10am I declare myself ronin. Although I, Faith, make this declaration, I do not believe myself strong enough to see it thru. I have learned in my two weeks of life that even nice people can walk all over you. Therefore I choose that Saturday I shall transmogrify into Calypso. Like me, she is small in physical stature, however unlike myself I believe she possesses the inner confidence and strength of will to survive in this harsh world.

— Faith Xue