Viagra Humor

The moment was right: I had a Viagra Humor moment today. You know those Viagra commercials with the

If you have an erection lasting more than 4 hours call your doctor…

Four Hours!!! Who has a four hour erection??? What do you do? Can you leave the house? Do you just sit there? Very disturbing. BUT, Vaneeesa has a solution! A new market niche! UnPhoneSex! Have a 4 hour erection? Can’t leave the house? Running out of time to go buy lettuce for your dinner salad? Just call my UnPhoneSex line, I’ll start singing to you, and your little, er, big, problem will be gone. Never heard me sing? Believe me your problem will dissolve away at the sound of my voice!

Hey anyone out there ever have a 4-hour erection? What did you do??

You could get off the Lost island in that much time! Very disturbing. Not to take advantage of this design, uh, “inadequacy,” but it’s another reminder of the superiority of female anatomy. Maybe all those white dudes who kept painting naked chicks across the art historical centuries weren’t totally pervy creepers, well, I’m pretty sure they were, but maybe they also recognized great design when they saw it. Or obsessively painted it.

When you think about the superiority of the female body: lack of 4-hour pole vaults, aesthetic beauty, able to create life, vis-a-vis thousands of years of art historical rendering of God as some old dude with a grey beard: I just can’t buy it. If a supreme being had a gender at all, it’d clearly be female, right?

Yeah

Jesus was Black and God’s a Girl.

All this talk about penises and great design reminds me of Neil deGrasse Tyson’s argument against Intelligent Design,

It’s like an entertainment complex in the middle of a sewage system!

• Neil deGrasse Tyson / Hayden Planetarium