Fontbron Academy: Faculty Application

TO: Humane Resources, Fontbron Academy
FROM: Vanessa Anne Blaylock
RE: Tenure Track Faculty position in Psychopharmacology

Dear Humane Resources,

Are you still accepting applicants for the TT position in your Psychopharmacology department? I believe I am the ideal candidate for this position and submit this application for your consideration. Further, should this position already be filled, would you please consider my application instead for the tenure track position in Comparative World Religions just announced in this month’s bulletin? I have a lifetime of experience and study to offer the department.

Vaneeesa Blaylock wearing a blue blazer with a red tie and a Fontbron academy crest on the blazer. She stands in the lobby of an academic building. — Aww, look at this! My old freshman year Fontbron Academy blazer still fits! I think that level of willpower and self-control alone should verify my candidacy for this position. And really, on the topic of the past, is it okay if we don’t dwell on my burning down the Fontbron gym on my first, and subsequently last, day of attendance at Fontbron way back in 1987? It seems cruel to still harbor a grudge about such a long ago incident, especially, with the wisdom of time, when you look at what a marvel of forward design thinking the *new* Fontbron gymnasium has been celebrated as, the world over!

The innovative use of burning restroom feces and trash to power the building was a first, and it’s one of the few facilities of it’s kind able to sell excess power back to the energy grid, as well as sell carbon offsets to corporations in the developing world! I certainly am not trying to take credit for all of this progress, but simply to contextualize the well meaning actions of a young freshman in their grander historical context.

Vanessa Anne Blaylock

Artist
BFA Choreography: June 1991, Hong Kong Academy for the Performing Arts, School of Dance
MFA New Media: June 1998, Koninklijk Conservatorium, The Hague
Current Position: 2009 – Present, Erasmus University, Rotterdam – Adjunct Faculty, New Media Arts
Previous Position: 2001 – 2009, Halliburton – Choreographer / Dance of Destruction
Complete CV: http://vaneeesa.com/2009/04/25/vaneeesa-anne-blaylock/

Basic Qualifications

Required: Marriage to Euro-trash
I married Dutch pirate radio producer Ze Moo at Covent Garden in London, on 4 June 2011, yet to this date he still lists our relationship status on Facebook as “in an open relationship”. (also, the fucking other woman is his Facebook cover photo, not, mind you, that I’m bitter)
• Married
• Open Relationship

Required: Past-life Notability Requirement
In a previous life I was noted ballet dancer Rudolf Nureyev
• Leningrad, 1958
• London, 1962

Required: Minimum 3 Naked Performance Artworks in 3 Previous Years
• VB03 – Veinticinco Mujeres, 2009
• VB15 – Gracie / Kris, 2010
• VB26 – Average, 2011

Creative Activities

• Portfolio of Performance Works
• Vanessa Blaylock / Postreanimation Document
• Project Previsualizations

Vaneeesa Blaylock Company members participating in Dance Anywhere 2012 at Trafalgar Square, London — VB36 – Dance Anywhere, Trafalgar Square fountain, London

Select Recent Exhibitions

2012
• Gallery Xue / NYC – Charlotte, Forever!
• Linden Endowment for the Arts – Pink & Blue
• Gallery Xue / London – Dance Anywhere
• Gallery Xue / Kandahar – Net / Work

2011
• Compton’s Live / London – Natatorium
• Covent Garden / London – Un/Wedding2.0
• Biscuit Bay Gallery – Resurrection

2010
• Black Rock City – The House with the Ocean View
• Frank Lloyd Wright Virtual Museum – Avatar Chess
• Odyssey Performance Simulator – Au Pair Next Door

2009
• University of Texas / San Antonio – Peace
• Petruchio – Landscapes with a Corpse
• Zanphoria Gallery – Dressed / Naked
• Chinese College / Monash University – Event

Sample Work from my Students

• Jeremy Owen Turner is completing a PhD in Interactive Arts
• Pixel Reanimator has completed a thesis on Lacan’s Big Other
• Agnes Sharple opened a Socialist Sneaker Store
• Jeffrey Deitch has terraformed a prominent museum
• Micol Hebron told grad students what to go do with themselves
• Robert Fontenot got a short haircut and couldn’t blog anymore
• Xue Faith opened art galleries in Taipei, Sydney, San Francisco, Long Beach, New York, London, Amsterdam, Palestine & Kandahar

About My Work

My own body, history, and socialized identity frequently become the topic of the work, though I hope that there is also the potential for an allegorical association with and for the viewer. My recent photographs have aimed to use art history, humor and intimate body imagery to explore how the female body can create positions and images of empowerment. I have also sought to do performances that encourage greater cultural awareness, increased empathy and generosity, and the valuing of an experience rather than an object or relic. My performances and videos often involve participants as they address how social interactions contribute to our sense of self and subjectivity. I am interested in the ways in which art can facilitate interpersonal relationships, community building, gender equity, and curiosity about how and why we are the way we are.

What do I, as an artist, provide?

Good evening. Hello everyone.

I do know many of you, but I’ll introduce myself anyway. I’m Vanessa Blaylock, and I’d like to thank you for coming to my candidate presentation for the Fontbron faculty.

I’m happy, I’m pleased, I’m honored, I’m priviledge, I’m really thrilled, really , to welcome you, officially to the Fontbron faculty cafateria. I have to begin by saying that I’ve known Micol and Robert for many years – more than a decade. For most of those years, Micol and Robert were the only artists who actually spoke to me. Even when I didn’t want to talk about art, when I was against the whole idea of the academy, there they were, trying to engage me in critical, yet witty, discourse.

But Micol and Robert have always been supportive in other ways as well, and the opportunity to give this faculty talk today is only the most recent example of that support. When I wrote up the first Prospectuses for my artistic services in ’03 it was a for a show they organized, and Robert helped out by lending his expertiese in preparing corporate prospectuses. (Robert? Where is Robert? I just saw him a minute ago.) Later, I gave a talk about my first prospectus project, with the Generali Foundation, in this very room. Some of you may remember that event, when I started sobbing for no apparent reason and couldn’t stop. It’s true.

The Fontbron Academy’s newest project is a perfect example of its commitment to critical and challenging art. For its second commissioned project, Fontbron has selected an artist who is a leading practitioner of this genre. Her work is inventive, poignant, and brazen as well as humorous. She’s an artist who takes no prisoners, even when she works in the belly of the beast. Her performative critiques are meticulously researched portraits of institutions, revealingly appropriated from original sources, yet they’re often, they’re often also tantalyzingly ambiguous. And she’s also successfully explored innovative models for artistic practice that would liberate artists from the strictures of traditional object production.

I used to think that I was changing the world.

No, I’d just like to say that, um, I think the only interesting people are the people who say, “Fuck off.” Yeah, that’s what I think.

I really like that piece Nauman did – you know the piece? Um, The true artist helps the world by revealing mystic truths. And you go, oh, yeah, great. And then you go, oh God, oh fuck, you know, what is this shit?

No, I love saying a few words at events like this. Okay, here’re a few more words. How about, “Kiss my fucking ass!” That’s a great statement anywhere, right?

Right?!

Well, why don’t you all kiss my fucking ass! I love you all. Okay, how about, “Kiss my tits!” Hey, I’m not being funny. You know that, don’t you? Look, I’m just trying to do my fucking best.

Do I get the job?